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TONGUE-IN-CHEEK ALASKANA
I want to focus this column on thanking all of the dedicated litterers out there, who help to make our community a better place. I also want to apologize to you collectively. I must confess that in the past I have harbored ill will… Continue Reading “Glorious Litter”
With America’s most recent election cycle recently behind us (depending on who you talk to), Americans once again have demonstrated the genius of the unmatched form of government forged for us by the far-reaching wisdom of our nation’s founding fathers. It is inspiring to… Continue Reading “Elections”
Did you hear it? I was outside collecting a winter’s accumulation of trash that the melting snow had uncovered in my yard when I heard it. It was a distinctively metallic sound with a frequency lower than the bass limit of a humpback whale’s… Continue Reading “Spring”
Ah, Breakup! My favorite season of Alaska’s year. How oft during the tedious months of winter have I pined for these halcyon days? Now the time has come for long lost treasures to be relinquished from the icy talons of winter’s merciless grasp. Viruses,… Continue Reading “Breaking Up”
One of the perks of living in the beautiful, savage State of Alaska is the opportunity it affords me to sample a wide variety of exotic skin care products. The unique combination of low humidity, high wind and severe cold has a way of… Continue Reading “Winter Skin”
I peered dubiously into the depths of the Styrofoam cup clenched in my 14-year-old hand. Experimentally I dabbed at the contents with my flimsy plastic spoon. I could identify a thin broth with globules of grease skating on the surface, a few grains of… Continue Reading “Moose Nose Stew”
Alaska is a beautiful place, and I wouldn’t live anywhere else, but the arrival of the annual spring mud bog always complicates my barn chores. It’s grueling enough to have to master the sports of long distance swimming and professional mud wrestling just to… Continue Reading “Chupacabras”
“Hey, Dad! Can I borrow your drill?” The unexpected sound of my son’s pubescent voice derailed my concentration from the excruciatingly maddening task of replacing a fluorescent bulb in my bathroom. I had ignored my wife’s pleas for several weeks in the hope that… Continue Reading “Dad’s Tools”
A grey September moon hung suspended above the mist-shrouded tundra. Gnarled black spruce, like wary sentinels, defined the twilit horizon. Knowing the treachery of the times, I cleverly traced a circuitous route toward the secret trysting spot, doubling back several times, and moving in… Continue Reading “The Three Moosketeers”
“Good morning, handsome!” It was February 1, and my alarm had barely stopped beeping. With a groan, I pried apart my heavy eyelids to peer blearily at my wife who was hovering over me with a cherubic grin. She planted a big juicy smackaroo… Continue Reading “GroundHog Day”
Chinook Howling 