Tag: Humor

Vehicular Homicide

It gnaws at me the way a mouth full of canker sores feels when you’re eating a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.  With each breath, I inhale the poisonous memories of treachery and betrayal.  The one I have taken in and cared… Continue Reading “Vehicular Homicide”

Hooding

The winter Olympics are commandeering a lot of news time lately.  It’s a great thing, competition and all.  Training hard, facing formidable odds, bringing home the gold for your country, abusing steroids—these are epic deeds and certainly newsworthy.  I don’t begrudge those spandex-wearing, ridiculously… Continue Reading “Hooding”

Blood Brothers

The Alaska State Birds seem to be extra friendly around my house this year.  Cute little fellows, aren’t they—and so musical too?  At least once a day I can’t resist being a captive audience to one of their concerts.  It fascinates me how tame… Continue Reading “Blood Brothers”

Bachelor Pad

It is with a solemn heart that I must report some troubling news.  I have been abandoned!  My wife left me!  She took our son, walked out the door, got on an airplane and went home to Mommy. She warned me that this was… Continue Reading “Bachelor Pad”

Where the Salmon Run Deep

Persistent rivulets of icy rainwater had breached the narrow gap between my shivering neck and my poncho collar.  Having slid inside, they were now gleefully chasing each other down the spinal causeway indented into the goose-bumped surface of my back.  Soon they would join… Continue Reading “Where the Salmon Run Deep”

Aliens

DATE / TIME MARK:  8-899^120*096 (estimated) FROM:  sQreev-Y, Prime Sentient Component of Transgalactic Probe tYx^951*332. TO:  sWomglu-K, Coordinating Overseer of pRuglugrion Scientific Exploration Bureau. RE:  Long-range data compilation mission to rWezik Galaxy / Sector DdF^893. PREFACATORY NOTE:  Please accept my regrets for the inefficiency… Continue Reading “Aliens”

To Ski or Not to Ski

Back in the days when Black Rapids ski slope was open to civilians, my wife wheedled me into renting some downhill skis, and buying a pass and a lift ticket.  She bribed me by describing panoramic vistas, exhilarating outdoor air, fun, excitement, and exercise. … Continue Reading “To Ski or Not to Ski”

The Ice Scootch and Other Winter Tricks

During Alaska’s brief summer it is sometimes hard to tell who is a sourdough and who isn’t.  While it’s balmy out, clever resourceful tourons and cheechakos are usually able to fake it enough to blend in with the experienced Alaskans.  As long as they… Continue Reading “The Ice Scootch and Other Winter Tricks”

The Walking Dictionary

Wesley Montrose was a pudgy, bespectacled fellow.  I didn’t know him well.  None of us at my alma mater did.  It’s hard to get to know a fellow like Wesley.  Let me rephrase that.  It was hard to get to know Wesley specifically.  There… Continue Reading “The Walking Dictionary”

Rustic

My family displays a wide range of cosmopolitan tastes when it comes to décor and architecture.  In architecture, my wife admires Queen Anne, French Provincial, Federal, Tudor, Victorian, Italianate, Renaissance, Cape Cod, Georgian, Colonial, Byzantine, Gothic Revival, Spanish Mission, Bungalow, Ranch, Tuscan and Rustic… Continue Reading “Rustic”